I will never be a ‘priority’ friend. I will never be that friend who you would instantly tell your life happenings to. I will never be that friend who you would call right away if you want to hang out or share the day with. I will never be that friend who you would instantly count in gatherings and get-together. I will never be that friend who you would find if I am not in the crowd – lest, you just feel alright if I am there or not. I will never be that friend who you would let join group conversations because you and your other friends already made some code names and a wee bit of understanding. I will never be that friend who you wouldn’t start a picture-taking without. I will never be that friend who you will think of together with everyone else for the sake of fairness. This is not about the attention. It is about being treated right.
I will always be a second option, a no other option and the last resort as a friend – thinking I am always available for everyone. Maybe I’m too available for everyone who needs me. But isn’t it the right thing to do as a friend? A friend should always be there for a friend whenever needed. No. Especially when needed. Friends should always have your back and would always make you feel secure even if we don’t see and talk all the time. I sometimes pull myself away, with the Hope of you finding me. But most of the times, I accept that fact that you will never do. Because I will never be THAT friend.
Friends don’t make friends feel like they’re taken for granted.
No matter how hard I try, I will never be good enough for your other friends. Not even if I am the only one there through their tough times to help. I will never be that friend who you would take an account or recognize for the efforts I made; Maybe because I am doing the same for everyone else who needed it. Maybe I’m trying too hard… But isn’t that you should give the best for your friends? Or maybe I am really not a best for them. I will never be THAT best friend.
But why Am I even trying too hard?
Maybe I’m just expecting a lot from them, assuming that they’ll be there for me when the time comes. Even for a simple favor, they’ll be glad to be there. But that’s it… I will never be that friend who you would even think about returning a favor. Because I will always give more. I will never be that friend who you would think of needing some cheering up because I always do that for you. I will never be that friend who you think deserves some healing too.
Friends don’t make friends second-doubt themselves. Am I pushing myself in? Or Am I just thinking that I am already in? I don’t know. Both doesn’t feel right.
I know I can choose my friends but no matter how hard a try, sometimes the search ends the same. I will never be that friend who you would constantly check up because you think I am strong as fck and nothing is going wrong with my life. I will never be that friend who you would gladly listen to how my day was because you will always assume it went fine and yours is worth listening instead. I will never be that friend who you will give advice on because you assume that I will be the one always giving them to you – like I never needed one. Yes, I will never be THAT friend.
I may be blessed with few great friends and I will always be forever thankful. But for the ones who made me feel that I will never be THAT friend, well I got to thank you. Despite the tough calls and turn of events, I thank you all for making me wiser and making me see your worth as a friend and as a person.
Sometimes we are learning things that hard way… Or maybe we just simply refuse to learn.
Note: This is one of my archived posts that deserved to be saved.