Navigating Life’s ‘Not Yet’ Answers

It’s funny how we constantly ask for something through prayer and only hope for one answer — yes

It’s ironic how we always say, “Thy Will Be Done,” yet we doubt anything that is not a “yes” for an answer. 

As I shared in my previous blog, I could not divulge details because of the uncertainties. But now, we know. We recently experienced an answered prayer. And yes, just because I refer to it as “answered” doesn’t mean the Lord replied “yes.” It simply means He answered our prayer. That’s it. 

Don’t brag about tomorrow, since you don’t know what the day will bring. — Proverbs 27:1

There have been roughly five to six weeks of uncertainty and emotions. Despite my prayers of gratitude and thanksgiving, I also pray for the Lord’s Will because it is His gift to us. However, contrary to my prayers, I often control the situation rather than completely surrender. Funny and idiotic, I must say.

My emotions had ultimately overcome my reasoning, and I would juggle back and forth on denial, doubt, acceptance, what-ifs, plans, and whatnot. Together with the hormones that come with it, I sometimes would cry either for favorable or unfavorable results, which I know is not helping my overthinking problem. It was tiresome. Really.

We were at an estimated four to five weeks of early pregnancy, and not over ten pregnancy home kit tests would say positive; however, two ultrasounds failed to see and find it. When we pray for something and finally see it coming to us, we become extra careful, and it is due to frequent light bleeding that makes me recheck what’s happening. Our OB/GYNE was clear and had scheduled us for a proper check-up; however, due to my insistence and unnecessary worries, I was already controlling the situation. It was when I wrote my previous blog that I experienced another series of light bleeding that I honestly dealt with the problem and completely surrendered everything to the Lord, not only through my prayers but through my actions.

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by his great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay. — 1 Peter 1:3-4 NLT

The following day, after posting the blog, everything happened so fast. I bled the heaviest and was admitted to the emergency room, where our OB/GYNE is affiliated. A series of tests were initially taken to set a baseline for the beta HCG and to confirm our pregnancy. It was on the third ultrasound that somehow the pregnancy was located. On the right side, inside the fallopian tube. It was suspected an ectopic pregnancy, and we were advised to be monitored for forty-eight hours to take another beta HCG test to see if it doubled in count or not. Another ultrasound would confirm its location as well —another uncertainty. But then again, I was reminded of my complete surrender. It’s funny how the enemy would go as far as not having my HMO cover anything, relying on Philhealth, and paying in cash for the difference. However, our discharge date is still unknown. And yes, another uncertainty; however, this was already beneath me as my husband and I had already discussed the finances. 

We had already informed our family, spiritual family, and special people in our lives upon hospital confinement. The primary purpose of telling them? To seek prayers. We cannot do it on our own. As we were taught in the Bible (James 5:6), we need people praying for us. We are eternally grateful for every prayer heaved for us. 

I will not lie; it was one of the longest three days of my life.

After three days, the OB/GYNE confirmed an ectopic pregnancy. Since the size of the mass was so small, we can medically terminate it to avoid any possible ruptures and life-threatening risks to me. After three days, my heart was put into the spotlight. 

After three days, God gave us a clear answer — Not Yet. 

It was painful for me as a human. My anxieties and attempts to control everything blinded me to God’s answers to our prayers. The clarity of the answer made me question my life choices and health, think it was my fault, and wonder why it happened. As an intelligent human, I know it was no one’s fault; however, as a daughter of the creator and perfector of my faith, I know God’s clear answer. The miracle of life would no longer be called a “miracle” if we had front-row seats of the stages of reproduction – it is beyond our human control. 

As I type this post, I am currently in the hospital bed being observed while I’m under Methotrexate therapy. I will forever thank the Lord for not allowing any pain, ruptures, and health complications. These are considered blessings I failed to appreciate when anxieties and worries blinded me.

I praise God for the heart of my husband. I appreciate him for being strong for both of us and for comforting me with the certainty of God’s plans for us. The Lord used my husband to keep my anxieties at bay. I know when our time comes, Lord-willing, my husband will be the best father our family would ever need (second only to God, of course!). 

After three days, God gave us a clear answer — Not Yet.

I know God has the best plans for us, and it gave us new hope to become better parents. We should not take this opportunity for granted and return to how we used to live our lives. God’s delays are for our protection and guidance.

How about you? How is your heart when you encounter a similar life situation? I know entirely surrendering without checking on it is difficult, but I will pray for you.


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