31.

This birthday post is already a few days late but it’s okay, I still have to gather all my thoughts on this one. But before I begin my traditional birthday post, I would like to know if you do have what I call, “birthday jinx”. Lol. I am not entirely sure if there’s such a thing called “birthday jinx” but I feel like I have this every year, not just on my birthday – but on my birth month. So what do I mean by birthday jinx? This is when I experience series of unfortunate events during the whole month of June. Well, it doesn’t really have to be a concrete event but sometimes I would find myself feeling down, easily irritated, bummed out or worse, broken down with tears. I have been experiencing this ever since and I would usually even feel more irritated whenever I realize that those unfortunate events had to happen on my birthday (or birth month). In the past few years, I have been examining myself every June and I get to understand that I couldn’t really get rid of it but I just have to manage it. Now, I take it as a “usual thing” every June and I no longer bother myself into these things. Hmm, maybe I am growing up after all. I just wanted to know if there are anyone out there experiencing the same thing every year on their birthdays. Lol.

Okay, moving on to my birthday post!

I praise You, Lord, for the 31 years of Your faithfulness in my life! I have met the Lord not too long ago, and I have personally felt and experience His mercy and love wherein “immense” is actually an understatement of it. For 4 years of being a follower of Christ, I could not fathom the amount mercy, grace, and love, God has been giving me; Someone underserving, at times ungrateful, and still faulty at faith.

If not for Your goodness, if not for Your grace
I don't know where I would be today
If not for Your kindness, I never could say
I'm still standing

If not for Your mercy, if not for Your love
I most likely would have given up
If not for Your favor, I never could say
I'm still standing but by the grace of God

– Still Standing, Israel & New Breed

This marks my 2nd birthday during the COVID-19 Pandemic and I am grateful for even being able to wake up another year older. Last year, God had impressed on my heart to ‘be still’ despite the difficulties brought by the uncertainties in this pandemic. For the past few months, I have been trying to seek what God wants me to learn this year and I guess it’s no mistake that I have been stuck on Proverbs for a few months already. I have finished a lot of books from last year, and Proverbs is one of the books I find difficulty on reading through; Simply because there’s so much wisdom in one chapter that I wanted to assess myself with. And since I started Proverbs, I have been in constant heart checks on what to do next. For the past few months, I have been praying for my career pursuits. There had been a lot of freelancing opportunities that I had to let go just because I am doing a full time job. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems in my current workplace that goes beyond work-related. It’s just that I know I could being doing more things that can add to my growth as a person and I could still further explore my horizon without the fears of self-limiting beliefs. I am not a natural risk-taker but I am not afraid to dive into the unknown. After how God took care of my career path, I had a taste of how to surrender everything to Him when it comes to my pursuits. I have the guts to explore but it’s also in my nature to be loyal to where I have already signed up for. Maybe it’s the morals and values that I am upholding or maybe this just having too much thoughts on Proverbs. Lol.

You see, acquiring wisdom is difficult and best believe, understanding it is more so.

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom,
and whatever you get, get insight.
Proverbs 4:7 ESV

Having said all of these, for my 31st year, there’s a propensity of *finally* pursue full time freelancing. Am I afraid to start over? In all honesty, no. Thinking about it excites me. I shall share more about this on my next blog post! 😉

Before I end this post, here’s a quick look of what I got on my birthday!